i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
