I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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