I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
