you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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