I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
