What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
