Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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