so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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