just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
