i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
