Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
