i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
