I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My life is pants optional.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
