just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
