i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
