Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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