He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
