You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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