Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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