they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
