I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
