I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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