I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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