i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
