This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
