Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
