i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
