winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
