Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
