She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
