Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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