i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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