After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
