It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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