Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
