I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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