If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it's like heaven, but drunker
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
