I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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