She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
