Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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