to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
