dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
