I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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