This girl is more easily done than said...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why do cheetos always look like penises
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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