The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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