Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
