Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
