It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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