I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
