You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
